Gray Silence
by Getemono
Summary: Noise and Color. He hadn't realized how much each had played a part in his life until they were gone. What he did notice was how much he didn't care that they were gone. He only missed one thing...Selvine


-1Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy VIII, that is the property of Squaresoft.

Gray Silence

They were standing side by side, facing the greatest threat to the world. Squall was to his left, Selphie to his right. Though danger was literally right in front of them, he couldn't help but smile at her. She grinned back. They were, after all, the world's last hope for survival.

Squall gave out an order, and Irvine nodded before directing his attention to Selphie, who had leapt forward to launch an attack, gracefully twisting her body as she spun towards the Sorceress. Only Selphie could make such a powerful attack look like a dance…

There was a horrible rumbling, and Irvine lost his footing, stumbling to the ground. Squall swore as his Gunblade faltered in his hands, and it sliced through his shoe. Irvine managed to keep a hold on his gun, but the rumbling was too fierce for him to move. His vision shaking, he tried to keep focus on Selphie, but it proved to be too difficult. Something heavy (could it have been his heart?) dropped into his stomach, and he had a horrible feeling that something bad was about to happen.

He woke up, and the first thing he saw was gray, which was the last thing he had seen before falling asleep. It was no surprise, though; since that battle, everything was gray and silent, and in a way it matched. Color represented feeling, and he felt nothing, nothing without her. Noise was beautiful and disorderly, everything that she was, so it was fitting that it was gone now that she was.

He slowly sat up, his thoughts trying to form in the morning dreariness. Then, remembering something important, he frantically searched his bed. _Where did it go? _He threw his gray pillows against the wall and ripped the gray blankets from his bed. It was only when he threw his gray sheets into the air that a small metal clam hit him on the knuckle, and he picked it up, caressing it lovingly in his hand. He calmly sank back onto his bed, not bothering to gather his bedding.

Irvine closed his eyes, willing for the nightmare to continue where it had left off. He probably should have been grateful that it wasn't replaying, but he wasn't; it was like a drug, so addicting and full of promise, even though it was destroying him from the inside out. He tried really hard to remember, but it escaped him.

Well, he wasn't ready for the pain of reliving it and the pleasure of seeing her face anyways. He got up and carelessly threw on his signature cowboy attire, finding it hard to believe that there was a time when he cared about such pointless things as his appearance. He didn't even brush his hair before pulling it into a sloppy ponytail and pulling his hat over it. He carefully slipped the tiny clam into his deepest pocket before exiting his room.

Rinoa, Quistis and Zell were crowded around his door. The part of him that thought guessed that they had been knocking for a while, but even if he could have heard them, he would have ignored it. They were all as gray as the wall behind them, and not any more important. He walked away and was almost glad when none of them followed. But he couldn't feel anything close to joy.

Why would he want to talk to them anyways, when they had come back? What had made them so special that they got to return? They had been the failures. It was unfair of them to live. Ultimecia had picked them first, and slowly, one by one they had been picked off, and the task of slaying the sorceress had been left to him, Squall and…

Selphie. Just thinking her name made his heart melt and break at the same time. He sighed, the conflicting emotions threatening to break his body. He knew it was petty to grudge them for living, and Selphie would be appalled if she could see him now, but it was so hard to be good. Besides, he wasn't her, he couldn't be good to everyone the way she had. It was painful to think of her, so he forced his mind to wander.

Noise and color. He hadn't realized how much each had played a part in his life until they were gone. What he did notice was how much he didn't care that they were gone, he was only missing one thing. He gave a grim smile; of course all thoughts circled back to her, it was useless to try to hide from her.

He made his way slowly to his destination, the wall, the people, the water, all of it was gray. Though everything was busy as usual, the only sounds he heard were his own slow footsteps echoing across the vast halls. His clothes, his shoes, the tiles, gray, gray, gray.

He stopped in front of the gray sign that read Quad, staring past the faceless Cadets and towards the entrance. He took a deep breath before walking to her favorite spot, her pride and joy.

He braced himself, not knowing what to prepare for before stepping into the empty Quad. His hopes were crushed when he saw that it was just as gray as everything else around him. What had he been expecting, patches of color to mark the trail of her life? Maybe he thought the decorations would bear colorful fingerprints and handprints, graced by her creative touch. Maybe he thought that the designs she left behind would glow with her favorite neon orange marker that she used to draw everything. Maybe he thought he would hear the ghost of her footsteps bustling around, trying to make everything ready for something or another.

But it was silent and colorless, everything that she was not. Her arrangements seemed lonely and out of place, as if they didn't belong. He pulled himself onto the cold stage, glancing at the instruments that had been pushed off to the side. He almost felt sadness when he remembered that he had picked up that guitar in hopes of impressing her…

He could feel it, a darkness wrapping around his mind, and he succumbed to his worst and most precious memory.

Irvine uncertainly stood, somehow managing to keep his balance. In the corner of his eye he saw Squall cast a cure spell on himself, and, knowing that his comrade was okay, he focused on the disaster in front of him.

Ultimecia was shaking uncontrollably, it looked like she was about to explode. He smiled adoringly at Selphie's small figure. Of course she would be the one to deal the final blow, the one to bring the peace she so desired. But in a flash, everything froze. Irvine saw his breath, a mist in the cold, roll out slowly in front of him before the world began to crumble. It was as if the darkness around them was a jigsaw puzzle; piece by piece it fell, leaving a deeper, emptier darkness in its wake. Squall yelled something, but that wasn't important. Selphie was too close to Ultimecia.

It felt like the world around them was willing them all to stay in one spot. He ran, but it was a slow process, like running through water. He kept running, forcing his gun upwards as reality fell apart all around him. He took aim as he approached his greatest enemy and his only love.

He could see now, that Selphie had been trying to wrestle her weapon back. Ultimecia had grabbed hold of one end of her nunchaku, and Selphie repeatedly yanked on her end, not caring about the calamity around her. With a forceful pull, she managed to retrieve her nunchaku just as reality shattered beneath Ultimecia.

Irvine's eyes locked with Ultimecia's, and in the present world, he felt his eyes snap open as a horrible darkness consumed him from within. He couldn't breathe.

That was fine, she could claim his life, too. It didn't mean anything without Selphie anyways. His body fell, crashing onto the pile of musical instruments as his mind dove back into his end.

Even his nightmare was gray now, and only Selphie remained colorful. He watched her turn towards him with a triumphant grin. He kept running to her, grateful that she was okay.

But Ultimecia's hand fought through reality to pierce through Selphie's stomach, using her fingers as a hook to drag her down with her. The grin was replaced with a look of sheer pain and terror as she slowly fell backwards.

Irvine managed to reach her as she fell, and slowly, so painfully slowly, he made frantic attempts to grab her. He caught the zipper of her dress, but it broke off, and in that instant Selphie turned to gray.

No. He wouldn't let Selphie fade into the gray silence that had become his world. She burned into color again, her red blood splashing above her, more pouring from her mouth. She slowly descended just out of his reach.

She struggled, he could read the agony on her face, she struggled against the hurt and Ultimecia and even this horrible, dark world as her lips parted.

"Stay back."

He shook his head in disbelief. She couldn't make him do something so hard, not when she could still be saved.

He plummeted from the edge of reality, but someone yanked him by the collar of his trench coat, forcing him back to safety. His movements weren't restrained any more, and he turned to glare at Squall. Squall said nothing, merely shook his head sadly and maintained his grip. Irvine drew in a breath as he sensed a change.

They stood in the middle of the darkness, and slowly, their comrades started reappearing. He watched Quistis land in a dignified manner somewhere to his right. For a moment, he was glad that Squall had pulled him back; he must have known that they'd all reappear.

Zell jumped down, brushing off his shoulders and shaking his fist at the cherubs above him. Rinoa fell daintily, running to Squall the moment her feet touched the ground. Irvine used this opportunity to distance himself from his leader.

He looked around, worried now that Selphie hadn't appeared. He could just imagine her free-falling, purposely trying to land on him. He searched the endless sky in vain.

He was starting to get light headed, his body was losing heat. Well, if Ultimecia could kill him in a memory, he could choose a different ending…

It was somehow farther off now, but he could still see the spot where she fell. He clenched his hand with the clam and sprinted. No one noticed. They were too caught up in their reunion. They hadn't even known that Selphie was missing. Anger surged through him when he realized that she must have been nothing to them, expendable. Well, if they didn't miss Selphie, they sure as hell wouldn't miss him.

He plunged into the darkness, away from the gray and the silence and the sickening happiness.

The darkness was choking him.

He could see her, alone but still so beautifully colored, drifting in the dark. Her face was impassive, perhaps a mask of death, but Irvine still drifted towards her. He hated himself for leaving her alone in the darkness for so long.

After what seemed like an eternity, he finally reached her, and tenderly cradled her in his arms. He couldn't believe how frail she seemed, especially when she was so full of life. He watched with baited breath as her eyes flickered open and strained to focus on him.

His heart was struggling to beat.

He held her close to him, and she leaned into him. He heard a few sobs escape her, and he didn't know if his heart could take any more.

"You shouldn't have come." She whispered. "I…told you to stay behind." Tears came to his eyes when he heard how weak she sounded.

"You ordered the impossible." He whispered, stroking her hair. "I could never leave you." He took a shuddering breath. "I'm sorry I couldn't save you. I'm no knight."

She chuckled lightly, her green eyes sparkling brilliantly in the darkness. "No, you're my Cowboy." More tears rolled down her soft cheeks, and he held her tighter, determined to never let go.

"I love you, Selphie. Always have, always will." He told her softly, creating soothing circles with his thumb on her shoulder.

"I love you, too." She choked out as blood poured down her mouth. The tears began falling faster from her eyes, and he couldn't take it anymore. He gently lifted her and kissed her for the first and last time. It was colorful with her blood and filled with her content sighs. He slowly lowered her back down, just clinging onto her, not caring about the blood smeared on his face. They drifted peacefully away from life, both of them accepting that this was their end.

The end. That was fine by him as long as she was there in his arms. She glanced up at him and smiled weakly before closing her eyes. He kissed her forehead before she went cold.

His heart stopped beating.

**A/N: This started off as just an exercise since a reviewer in another one of my stories pointed out that my writing is very dialogue based, and that I needed to expand. Sorry if it's not so great, I came up with the general idea in about five minutes. Any criticism and/or advice would be appreciated, as well as what you thought of my little one shot. Thank you for taking the time to read this.**


End file.
